Planet of the Apes: Secrets Revealed

* Silicon-enhanced chests and lips reveal that humans are not only "as innovative as they are cruel," but pretty vain as well.
* Wahlberg's neglect in removing his shirt through the entire film reveals his kinship with the teen demographic: BACKNE SUFFERERS.
* Fox Marketing Department determined that the ideal garment for a young ape's human pet is a peach-colored dress.
* All inflamed baboon buttocks in the film were edited out.
* Most extras were actually disgruntled gorillas out of work since the movie "Congo."
* Kris Kristofferson's surly acting style is a result of the neverending pain of "Millenium"ís failure at the box office.
* The imagery of the Ape armyís red tents taken straight from biblical writings dealing with how women were separated from the tribe during their periods. (Charlton Hestonís idea.)
* Helena Bonham Carter's clothing came under-budget through some seamstress' creativity and Rue McClanahan's wardrobe. Her wildly trendy haircut however, accounted for %15 of the filmís budget.

* According to ape acting union, the "Ape" Lincoln Memorial had to be scrubbed down with monkey feces in order to get rid of foul human odor.


Submitted by: David J. Bleecker
E-mail: DBLEEKER@nyc.rr.com

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