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Confessions Of Sodom

 
One Sunday, my priest asked if I could cover his Confession shift for him -- he said it was easy, since he had a sin list inside the booth which listed both sins and penance. I agreed and took the booth early on Sunday morning. Soon people showed up.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have committed adultery."

"Adultery, eh?" I said. "You sly devil. That'll be three hail mary's, plus five bucks."

"Thank you, Father." Another person came into the booth.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have embezzled money from work."

"Embezzlement, eh? Naughty, naughty. That'll be 5 hail mary's, plus fourteen bucks."

"Thank you, Father." This was easy, I thought. I can handle this. Another person came into the booth.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have commited the sin of butt-sex."

"Butt-sex, huh?" I looked at the list, but I didn't see butt-sex there. I excused myself to see if I could get some help. I found a choir boy hanging out on the steps of the church.

"Excuse me," I said. "What does Father Matthew give for buttsex?"

"Well," said the boy, "usually just milk and cookies, but sometimes a Snickers."

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