Rules For Work

1.  Never give me work in the morning.
  Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.  The challenge of a deadline
is refreshing.
2.  If it's really a rush job, run in and
interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going.  That helps.  Or even
better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
3.  Always leave without telling anyone
where you're going.  It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you
are.
4.  If my arms are full of papers, boxes,
books, or supplies, don't open the door for me.  I need to learn how to function as a
paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be
injured and lose all use of my limbs.
5.  If you give me more than one job to
do, don't tell me which is priority.  I am psychic.
6.  Do your best to keep me late.  I
adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.  I have no life
beyond work.
7.  If a job I do pleases you, keep it a
secret.  If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8.  If you don't like my work, tell
everyone.  I like my name to be popular in conversations.  I was born to be
whipped.
9.  If you have special instructions for
a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.  No
use confusing me with useful information.
10.  Never introduce me to the people
you're with.  I have no right to know anything.  In the corporate food chain, I
am plankton.  When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11.  Be nice to me only when the job I'm
doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to managers' hell.
12.  Tell me all your little problems.
  No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate.  I
especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you
received for being such a good manager.
13.  Wait until my yearly review and THEN
tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating
  with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

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